Happiness, believes South Korean author Rhee Kun Hoo, is a choice; hence the name of his latest book If You Live To 100, You Might As Well Be Happy (Penguin Random House, 2024). The 90-year-old psychiatrist-turned-writer has actually led a really hard life: he has seen wars (World War II and the Korean War), typhoid, poverty, bankruptcy and even faced prison. In his early 20s, Hoo was jailed for 10 months for his role in the pro-democracy protests against the autocratic rule of Syngman Rhee, South Korea’s first president.

But, despite everything, he’s slowly but surely lived and thrived through it all. For a large portion of his life, Rhee worked as a psychiatrist in hospitals and mental asylums across the country, reforming the mental health ecosystem from the ground up. Somewhere along the way, he also got married, raised four children, and now, a score of grandchildren, with whom he lives in a communal building in Seoul.

In some ways, he’s the perfect person to talk about a long happy life. In his book (translated by Suphil Lee Park), Rhee writes of the often-overlooked value of ageing, sharing his wisdom and philosophy for a life well-lived, exploring forgiveness, perseverance and simple everyday joys.

Edited excerpts from an interview: You started writing books in your 70s and became a bestselling author. How did you get into writing late in life? I’ve always been interested in writing.

Back in college, I was part of poetry clubs. But I only started writing in earnest during my psychiatric residency; back then, South Korea was still significantly under-informed about the neurodiverse, or family planning, or sex education.

My mentor encouraged me to write academic papers related to these topics. Later, I focused on translating psychiatric theories into more accessible language for the general public, which now amounts to around 15 books.

In 2013, Galleon Publishing, a renowned publisher in Korea, asked me to write a book on a specific theme, leading to I Want to Have Fun Till the Day I Die. After this book became a bestseller, I received many invitations to give lectures or contribute pieces of writing. And so, my writing career began.

For my latest, I have written more about how people can plan for their second act in life, which happens to align well with public interest at the moment. Most of what I write is based on my experiences, theories I’ve learnt, and observations from treating psychiatric patients. I consider myself a psychiatrist first and foremost, and I simply respond to my readers, who want more of my insights on these subjects.

Do you think there’s a dearth of happiness in today’s world? I don’t believe that a lack of happiness, or unhappiness, is more prevalent per se. If we don’t strive to live above our means when it’s out of reach and accept ourselves, we can always find opportunities to enjoy our lives under most circumstances. People often claim they have no chance at happiness when they are simply unable to let go of unattainable goals and desires.

It is frustration and dissatisfaction, not unhappiness, strictly speaking. You can always get rid of a source of dissatisfaction, because it usually involves a direct object or state that you can disengage with.

You mention in the book that you try to find joy and fun in the mundane. Can you give a few instances of that from your daily life? Happiness is an abstract concept, which is to say, an invention. It’s not that it doesn’t exist, but some might not feel it the way they expect.

The key is to understand your own abilities and limits and to let go of troubling desires. For instance, a friend of mine always feels dissatisfied because he buys entire collections of books at once and can’t finish them. I advised him to start with a single, shorter book to experience the satisfaction of completion — to disentangle himself from the repeated situation he puts himself in that leaves him dissatisfied.

And once this source of dissatisfaction is removed, you can reach a state of satisfaction, which then gradually leads to greater achievements and a greater sense of joy over time. You talk about how you started writing emails to your grandchildren.

Would you recommend that to other parents and grandparents? In the past, elders were seen as mentors, but in today’s rapidly changing world, younger people often adapt more easily and quickly. Which is to say, it has become essential for us, the older generations, to understand younger generations’ lifestyles and values. When we started living together as a family, we assumed we might see each other every day, but with everyone having jobs and schoolwork to do, our time together is limited.

We have family gatherings twice a year, in the spring and fall, and we take turns hosting family dinners on the weekends. However, even when we don’t meet, we talk to each other regularly via email. Even in the same villa, email is a convenient way to stay in touch.

Not many families find themselves in close proximity; if my family and I, living under the same roof, still find emails and texts to be reliable ways of communication, why not leverage modern technology when you don’t live near? In the book, you talk about how you wooed your wife, and your life as a couple thereafter. Would you say you’re a romantic? Ha ha, I’m not sure if I can call myself a romantic. My wife and I met as children, so for a while, we saw each other as siblings of sorts, and it took a long time for romantic feelings to develop.

The real strength of our relationship, I believe, comes from how wholeheartedly we support each other, especially with whatever vision the other has. Rather than a couple of romantics, I think we’re more of like-minded companions.

The interviewer is a Delhi-based journalist.